Middle Aged Teen Queen

There is this lady who works in my office who is a massive legend. She is kind of like Lisa Wilkinson, but blonde and doesn’t get to hang out with Carl (Oh, Carl…). She is funny and smart and she has all the jewellery from Diva that I want but am too stingy to buy. Basically I would like to be her.

Anyway – MASSIVE revelation. I think she IS a 40-year-old version of me. The facts are all there:

A. She has a blog. I TOO have a blog! I know many people have blogs – Krudd probably has a blog and I definitely don’t think that means I’m a younger version of him... I am so much cooler than KRudd – BUT, her blog is about random life stuff, just like mine. And it’s called, wait for it… MIDDLE AGED TEEN QUEEN!

B. I too am a teen queen that happens to not be in her teens. I told her this, and she said I could probably get away with being a teen queen since I’m still kind of close to that age-bracket. I agreed and said yes because she is very important in this office and I would I like to keep my job. But in my head I was totally thinking ‘no way man, I am totalllllly too teen for my twenties’. Who else my age totally loves Taylor Swift? Who else totally loves Taylor Lautner? Who else uses ‘totally’ way too many times in a sentence? Who else abbreviates ‘totally’ to ‘totes’??? The answer: no one. Totes.

C. She says she weirdly gets crushes on young men – SO DO I! I know all about being a mad cougar. My last boyfriend was younger than my younger brother which is not just funny - it’s also kind of weird and gross. Plus HE was a bit weird and gross, so there was no compensation for the youngness. The only thing that really brought us together was Miley Cyrus music – and if that isn’t an indication of being a teen queen, then I don’t know what is…other than the fact I would like to marry Zac Efron. If he played rugby. But that’s another story…

Older and older

It’s one of my housemate’s birthdays today. She’s turning 23, the old dear. She’s hooking up with a 20 year old though, so if you subscribe to the adage that ‘you’re only as old as the guy you’re feeling’, then I guess she’s a good two years younger than me. And if you’re not ‘feeling’ any guy then you can’t be any particular age and therefore maybe your age is non-existent, which is, you know, heaps existential. (FYI ‘feeling’ weird, weird expression that I would never use in everyday life).

Ok, so it’s birthday time. We’re having pirate cake – oooh I can finally upload a picture! We made it last night with cream cheese icing (my absolute favourite thing in the world – excluding Harry and Bruce, obviously). We almost made ourselves sick eating all of it, but it was probably definitely worth it.

We’re going to Ben’s Bar and then out to the Sheaf. I don’t know if this is a good idea on a school night, considering the Australia Day Hang situation, but I’m willing to give it a whirl. The only thing is, I don’t want to spend money. But I will. I said the same thing at lunch and then ended up going to have expensive sushi with my best mate. But the sushi actually WAS amazing – so perhaps that makes it worth it?

Ohhh life – at this rate I’m going to be old and poor and fat and an alcoholic. Such a winner, don’t you think? UGH.